Howler monkey on crack speaking her mind

I had to buy a lightbulb yesterday, but not just any lightbuld mind you, an indoor recessed light spot light. Did you know there are two sizes? Me either. So this is how it went down.

I got home at 5:15 and Amanda was in the kitchen getting a bottle of apple juice. She does this every day at 5:15 because she knows that is when I'm going to be home. I tell her I need to go get a light bulb and ask her if she would like to go with me. With an enthusiastic "YES!" she agrees to go. She takes her apple juice with her.

While we are driving to our local ACE Hardware she is asking me about my day. I tell her about loosing me sunglasses and she thinks that is just terrible. She is a very sympathetic and caring child.

We get to the hardware store and park right in front, practically in the store by the register. It is one of the up sides to her condition, we have handicapped parking. She gives me the sign to hand from the mirror and we go in. Light bulbs are on the fourth row or so and we start to clook them over. This is an important bulb because it goes over my lounge in the bedroom where I do a lot of reading. I get the large indoor spotlight bulb because it looks right and we head to the one register that is open. There is a customer checking out who is buying 6 bolts, 6 nuts, and 4 washers.

I would like to suggest to anyone reading this blog to show consideration to all other hardware store customers who may be waiting behind you, never buy few washers than nuts and bolts. The cashier range up 6 washers as well as 6 bolts and 6 nuts. To undo this 40 cent mistake took the better part of 10 minutes.

Now, I'm a lot of things but at 5:30 on a day where I have lost my sunglasses, patient isn't one of those things. Amanda is in tune with me and knows that I am beginning to boil and she gives the correct but inappropriate response, "You pissed?"

Ok, she learned that word from me back before she could even talk and in my defense she was so old when she wasn't talking that I thought she would never talk. While I have removed a few of the more mature words from her vocabulary, "pissed" isn't one of them. I think we now have it in her IEP.

I just tell her, "I'm ok." She knows when Daddy is lying and starts to laugh at me. Her laugh is like a howler monkey on crack.

We finally get to our turn, I buy the light bulb which was $7.03. I don't have 3 cents on me so I get 97 cents change. I hate having a lot of change in my pocket, but that is another blog.

We get in the car and head home. Amanda starts in on me as soon as we start driving. Her language is improving daily and she has a lot to say. "You hate waiting." It's a line from the Princess Bride. I love that movie, she is rather indifferent to it. Then the laugh starts in again.

We get home, I go straight to the bedroom, stand on the lounge and try to install the light bulb. It is way too big and like the father from the Christmas Story while he is changing a fuse in the basement I just loose it. Amanda starts her belly laugh again. I grab the bag, receipt, and bulb and head back to the car. Amanda is in hot pursuit, so I take her along with me.

By now local traffic has gotten heavy. It takes us almost 20 minutes to make the same drive that just took 10 minutes. Amanda is laughing at me the whole time. "You buy wrong one. What is wrong with you?" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. It is very humbling.

I get back to the store and leave the big wrong bulb on the counter. I go back and get the smaller one. This should be easy and I will save money. In the 30 seconds I was getting the bulb a customer has started to check out. He has 1 item and I am waiting patiently because I know this is my fault, but it won't take long. Until! He says this, "This needs to be tax exempt for the school."

The clerk asks him for his account number and he says this, "I have never been here before."

OK, this is not funny, fair, or even understandable. Why come here tonight? Why not go where you always go? Why? Why? Why? The clerk starts to look for the form for him to have a tax exempt account. Of course she can't find it. And now Amanda chimes in her opinion.

"This is ridiculous, " followed by a huge sigh. Of course the way she said ridiculous was in itself ridiculous. It was more like reeeeediclus. I love that she isn't afraid of big words any more.

They finally worked it out after another 5 minutes or so and it was my turn to exchange the bulb. The bulb was cheaper and I got another 88 cents change. Now I have almost $2 in change in my pocket which drives me nuts.

We get in the car and my little helper starts belly laughing and telling me about waiting. Just when I'm about to tell her to back off she changes the subject to dinner.

"So hungry," and she starts to act like she is eating her arm.

" Ok, ok, ok we'll get dinner when get home." It is now past 6:30 and this whole thing took too long.

This morning she asked if we needed any more light bulbs. I told her we would just live in the dark, and the howler monkey was back.